Finding Peace In Turbulent Times

The Power Of Radical Acceptance In Transformative Healing

Photo by Engin Akyurt: Pexels

At its most basic, radical acceptance is a practice that involves accepting emotions, thoughts and circumstances that are unchangeable and out of your control. -1

Disclaimer - sometimes Radical Acceptance is NOT helpful!

This article is not advocating that you accept your mental health challenges nor any dangerous, abusive or manipulative situations. 

Seek help - talk to someone.

• This article is not medical advice. If you are having mental health challenges please seek help from a medical professional.

• If you are in an abusive situation - you need to find help to move away from that environment.

• If someone is manipulating you - talk to family, friends your boss at work.

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If you are currently struggling

• Pause …

• Breathe …

• Just Breathe …

If you are asking: “What can I do?”

Skip further down the article and come back later when you have more capacity.

Podcast Relaunch:

At the beginning of June 2024 I will be relaunching my Podcast here on Substack. Serendipitously, Substack is now partnered with Spotify.

My old Podcast is on Spotify.

I only recorded a few episodes before abandoning it as ironically

“Life Happened’ and kept happening. At the time I did not realize that I was still stuck in the moment November 7th, 2017 - when the doc said:

“Your person has no feeling in their legs.”

Thanks to my writing journey - today I am in a totally different place. You can read more here.

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This is an Episode from my old Podcast. I talk about how you need to completely accept the circumstances out of your control - to begin truly healing.

Radical Acceptance can change your life

While the theory of radical acceptance originates from Buddhist teachings, the term was first coined in 1993 by Marsha Linehan—the same psychologist who developed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a form of talk therapy. DBT helps people learn and use mindfulness and emotional-regulation strategies—one of which is radical acceptance. “DBT is designed to help people be present, regulate emotions, develop coping skills and improve relationships,” says Minor.” -1

“Although the term radical acceptance may sound like someone is being instructed to act apathetically or simply just accept all situations—including negative ones—the aim is to embrace facts and acknowledge pain rather than fight it. “[Radical acceptance] does not mean that we are being passive or approving of what is happening,” says Dr. Lira de la Rosa, “rather, it means we are radically accepting that we are in a position where we feel pain and we can honour and acknowledge this pain -1

Benefits of Radical Acceptance

“There are many benefits to regularly practicing radical acceptance, according to Minor and Dr. Lira de la Rosa. These benefits include:

• Improved emotional regulation.

• Better coping skills.

• The capacity to stay within your window of tolerance (i.e the ability to regulate arousal level to match whatever situation you may be in).

• Improved psychological well-being.

• Better communication skills.

• Healthier relationships with others.

• The ability to accept that life can be both painful and worth living.”

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So what does all this mean?

The theory is great - “I accept my circumstances and then I will magically feel better.” Of course not!

It is simply impossible to wake up one day and decide to ‘get on with it’ - it being LIFE.

‘Life Happens’ and sometimes it keeps on happening for no reason at all. There is no explanation for why things happen the way they do. Nor why it seems that for some people - ‘life just keeps happening.’

There is no sugar coating reality when you are in the thick of a traumatic event. It can be that a loved one has passed; someone you love has suffered a major injury; an extreme weather event that has left you almost on your knees or ruined; you loose your job; you just simply are unable to help your children with the challenges they are experiencing.

What can you do?

• You can be like me and choose to focus in on the situation to the exclusion of everything else. And I really mean everything else - your self care; your business; life and the list goes on.

• You could just completely ignore what happened. Plaster a smile on your face and merrily carry on as though you don’t have a care in the world

• You could become an energy bunny. 24/7 you are doing ‘stuff’ - whether it needs doing or not is irrelevant.

• You could simply walk away and not look back.

The list of unhealthy choices is very long.

A better pathway

This path is not a ‘one size fits all’ path, nor will it be the same path for everyone.

In this article we are focused on the moment when you realize:

• You cannot continue doing the same thing and expect a different result.

• You are exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

• You know you need something different to help you begin your healing journey.

• You know that you that you have sat in the muck for long enough.

How do you get to this point?

It takes time and is different for everyone. If you would like to hear more about this section of the path, please comment and we can do an article.

Now you know you need different and this is where Radical Acceptance joins you on your path.

If you haven’t already - listen to my Podcast Episode above:

Reset. It ‘shows’ a piece of the path.

Firstly, be compassionate, kind and patient yourself. The path has many twists and turns and sometimes even doubles back. Once you get on your path of true healing - somedays will be a little better, some days will be worse and some days will be absolutely fantastic.

Repeat to yourself over and over …

“It will be A- OK”

At this point you have no idea what ‘it’ looks like - but it will be OK.

Therapy

If you have tried to move forward by yourself and are still stuck - perhaps its time to seek outside help. It’s ok to ask for help.

Here are some exercises to help you accept the circumstances that are completely out of your control. None of these are magical moments but they are all based in science.

First Step - Radical Acceptance is an ongoing process

Believe

Say to yourself.

• I accept the current situation I am in.

• I believe that there is a solution.

• I believe in me.

• I believe that I am stepping onto my healing path.

• I believe it is going to be ok.

Repeat this to your self multiple times per day:

• I accept my current situation.

• I am moving forward.

• Over and over and over again.

Visualization

Look around you right now.

• Sit down in a quiet area.

• Close your eyes.

• Put your right hand over your heart.

• Breathe slowly in your nose to the count of 4 …3 … 2… 1

• And out through your mouth slowly to the count of 4 …3 … 2… 1

• Pause … and repeat - until you feel your breath sync with the beat of your heart.

• Keeping your eyes closed start to paint a picture in your mind of what you would like your life to look like next week.

• Start small.

• Visualize every single detail.

• It will probably take you a few sessions to get your first picture.

• Then - every morning when you wake up - hold that picture in your mind for 5 minutes.

Journal

Either written or oral.

• Write down what comes to mind a couple times a day.

• Record what comes to mind a couple times a day.

Practice an Attitude of Gratitude

Initially you may not feel grateful for anything.

• When you open your eyes in the morning - say 5 things you are grateful for.

• Before you close your eyes at night - say 5 things you are grateful for.

• Repeat for 21 days.

• You need to be intentional and commit to the 21 days.

• If you miss a day - start again.

When you journey on this path you will start to see little glimmers of change and then one day you will wake up and realize you are mentally in a completely different place.

There are no shortcuts.

You have to do the work.

• Decide

• Commit

• Be consistent

It’s been a pleasure to journey with you today.

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Be Well

Until next time…

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Source:

1. Forbes Health https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/what-is-radical-acceptance/#:~:text=At%20its%20most%20basic%2C%20radical,reality%20includes%20pain%20or%20discomfort.